A lot of us repress how we really feel inside. I know I used to. Now, I don’t know how not to. I grew up around a lot of verbal abuse from my peers and classmates, which lead to verbal abuse in my relationships. For many years I ate my Xanax and sat miserably quite in the corner. I found myself just taking in the horrible, degrading and spiteful comments that my ex was screaming in my face. The truth is, I wasn’t free from this until I learned how to have a voice for myself.

How do you find your voice, you say?

This took me years to figure out, but I feel like it starts with standing your ground. I am a sweet person, sometimes too sweet. Which meant that I got taken advantage of…a lot. So, in order to build my strength up to do this (just like any other muscle), I learned to say NO. I said no in order to say YES to myself. If it didn’t feel right, then it probably meant that I wouldn’t feel good afterwards…so, you follow the hell yes’s in life.

Then, I wrote my truth in my hand written journal. I noticed myself writing about all the things going on in my life and I slowly began to notice–Something other than me started writing to me as I was in my flow state. I kind of grew attached to this higher-self version of me speaking to the real me. I didn’t know how to have a voice, but she sure did! The past version of me was stuck in the ego state of suffering and wanted out, so I learned to listen to her. If I was lost and didn’t know what to do, I would write and see if she would come out to give some sage advice. You’ll see what I’m talking about when you read (or HEAR my book, Wild Journey to the Light). It takes letting go and allowing yourself to get into a flow state to get to this point of “channeling”. Sometimes too–it wouldn’t always work or make sense. So don’t beat yourself up if you can’t get into that state all the time.

Many years later, I found the most profound way to heal yourself and learn to speak your truth. I thought I was healed when I self-published my book on Amazon (WILD JOURNEY TO THE LIGHT), but I had another realization when it came time to record the audible version. I was speaking my story, but my voice would still be quivering and my throat would almost close up at times. My producer was AMAZING at noticing when I wasn’t over something too. He would make me re-say it over and over until I could say it clear and with a calm heart. Most times I had to hold a crystal or take some deep breathes before speaking. Some of my stories talk about some heavy shit, so to be repeating it sounds horrific to most, but it helped me to come to terms with the world knowing these things about me. If anyone is going to hear my stories of the past, I want them to hear it from my voice; my surviving and thriving voice! I feared what others would think of me, especially being a yoga teacher. In a way, I didn’t want to be judged–but people will do that anyway! In the end, this is my truth. This is my past. This is where I came from and this is me. ALL OF ME!

I understand I can be a lot for people, because honestly, it’s hard for most of us to be this transparent. We have shame and guilt, along with society telling us to be perfect to be liked. NO. I’m here to say F*CK THAT! I’m here to be real. I have found that by being real, I find people in my life that love me, for the goofy, sassy girl that I am. And those that can’t handle me, fluff off and we all move on.
Wouldn’t you like to be set free into the person you want to become? Without the weight of the world on your shoulders. Try writing your story, and then speaking it out loud, with conviction in your heart that this holds no more power over your future. Even if you just say your story to yourself in your mirror. It doesn’t matter. Just speak your truth until you can speak your message with a clear and calm heart. Speak it until you can breathe through what your saying and not trying to rush through it. Speak your truth and know that the past that you carry, is what will make you a bad ass in the future. Because you will get to a point one day, where you are done being silent. In the end, your truth will set you free. You just have to find your voice. <3 Hope this helps loves